☰ Finger In The Gutter

The cloud creeped me out, but it wasn’t enough to make me quit or anything. This job pays pretty good and even better when you’re really good at what you do. That was my goal. To be as good at being handy as Sam is one day. I know it probably seems like a stupid dream, but, like I said, I love my job. I love working with my hands. Instant gratification, to watch your own hands fix a problem right in front of your eyes. Call me simple, but for me, it’s hog heaven.

David, a new guy, and me were cleaning out gutters for this older couple on the edge of town, when David found a human finger sticking up out of the muck. David picked up the finger to inspect it (he later said he thought it was made of rubber), when he lost his balance, fell backwards off the ladder and started screaming. He stopped screaming before he even hit the ground. At the time, I remember thinking that was weird.

I was terrified he was dead. He fell a long way down. I ran to his side as fast as I could and tried to see if he was still breathing or not. He was moving. I thought he just had the wind knocked out of him, but it was more than that. When he got his bearings again, he went to take a breath and started clawing at his throat. (I didn’t know about the finger at that point.)

I rolled him over on his side and popped his back hard with an open hand, thinking he must have swallowed some hard candy when he fell. Well, he did swallow something and...you guessed it, it was the finger. I’ve never seen someone so happy to throw up in my life. When he lost his balance, he flung the finger he had been holding in a panic, it flew into the air and landed in his mouth (because he was screaming).

The finger just happened to be pointing towards the back of his throat. When David hit the ground, it drove the finger even farther back into his throat and nearly choked him before he could cough it up, which he did with my help.

David quit that same day. I don’t blame him. I probably would have quit too. Especially due to the fact that that finger was not fake. It was 100% the real deal.

Honestly, I have read somewhere that this is not that strange, because birds have been known to fly off with things and stow them in gutters and in trees etc. But, that brings me to another realization- somewhere out there, there is a dead body, maybe even a murder victim who is unburied just waiting to be found, and he’s missing a finger…

Side note:
If you read my original post, you will know that these weird ass stories of handyman horror were included the first time around. I had to do some editing before re-posting the first “Have Tools, Will Travel…” on r/nosleep. It occurred to me later that someone may want to read the other, shorter accounts of my first few months as a handyman, so I put them here.

I hope I will be able to move forward from here with Sam’s stories along with a few more of my own, just keep in mind, I’m no writer.

I’m a handyman.



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My novel, Trigram, is in the works, but in the meantime, I'll probably be working on short stories such as the ones on Wicked Shorts. (Wink)

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