Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 1

Journaling: some people say it's cathartic. 

I'm inclined to agree, but I've never been able to journal without being self conscious. Am I doing it right? Why is this so embarrassing? Who the hell would want to read this? ( I don't even want to read this...) But, I digress.

I suppose the first step, when it comes to journaling, would be to think about what it is I want out of it. For me, journaling goals would be about my writing, working through plotting problems, highlighting the methods that work for me and shitcanning those that don't. What has helped me with my writing? What hasn't?

When I thought about trying journaling-- about doing one entry everyday for a month, my mind kind of went blank. Then, after I got my barings, my first thought was, "would it be cheating if I wrote them in advance?"

(Yes, yes it would. Duh.)

It was apparently clear that I'm scared as hell of failure; and my number one nemesis is never finishing the things I start. So, how can I fix that?

Hell, I don't know.

I just thought journaling might be a good way to start. Maybe a month from now I'll be able to look back on these entries and glean something useful from them. Maybe not, but I'm a true believer that zero moments spent writing are wasted.

Can I do it? Can I write something every day for thirty days and post it to my blog? I'm not sure. I have my doubts. I mean that in a big way. I have a lot of doubts, but I'd like to try.

Recently, the way I think about my writing has changed. I'd like to say it's part of a slump, but I think it's something bigger. I said once that I thought writer's block is just a our brains processing the information we've already learned and compiling it for later. I still believe that, but I'm not sure that what I have is writer's block.

I think I'm afflicted from a fear of moving forward.

For those of you who know me, I write horror stories and most of the other stories I talk about our part of my urban fantasy series involving a certain Warlock named Thierry Adler... I love T-Cup (Thierry). I want to write about him, but right now, I'm having a hell of a time getting my facts straight. I find myself wondering how the pros do it. (No really, how the fuck do they stay organized????!?!?!?!?!?!?????) It's crazy impressive. And I KNOW it can be done.

My attitude has plummeted in the last month because of my indecision, and I am determined to fix it at any cost. I'm usually happy and bubbly if not a little creepy; (That's just how I am. lol. If I could describe myself in two words, it would probably be 'horror joke'). I've become this morose, Poe-ish bish. I'm irritated all the time and I don't want to talk to anyone.

I haven't been tweeting or posting blogs. I haven't been doing much of anything but wonder what's next with my series. A few people have suggested that I may have a subconscious block about what's going on in my writing life. That's probably true.

So that brings us back to the forefront. Maybe if I ramble publicly for thirty days on here, I'll get my shit together and come out smelling like a rose. Or even better, I'll get to the root of the problem... (Doubtful, but I can hope, right?)

(Gawd, I even sound bitchy in my blog post). 


Anyway, lemme get off here. I've got to go find a blood sacrifice for the Organization Fairy and also for the God of Bad Attitudes... 

Hugs, y'all, and thanks for reading.


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