Friday, July 20, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 18


Womp. Womp. Womp. 

That's how it started. Everyone in the world could hear it, I think. And if they didn't actually hear it, then they felt the vibrations associated with it.

Womp. Womp. Womp. 

A sound so loud, it became hard to breathe. Like the noise was vibrating the air and making it impossible to suck into your lungs. 
When you hear something that loud. That big. It makes your heart drop into your stomach. The tips of your fingers tingle. You start to shake and contemplate what it is to die. To stop existing.

And where would I be at the beginning of the end of world? Delivering groceries to an asshat named Brad. Which is kinda funny because my name is also Brad. Except for when I deliver groceries to Brad, then my given name morphs to Other Brad. 

I hate my job.

So I knocked on the door and Cool Brad (his idea, not mine) answers. Of course he's shirtless. As if to remind me of my own bony chest and he says: “Sup Shitty Brad.”
Ah, so I've devolved to Shitty Brad.
Beautiful. Just what I needed today.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 17

A single writing prompt:


It wasn’t until after a few years of marriage that I began to have the sneaking suspicion my wife, Leandra, was made of bees... 

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 16


So, all day I was worried about what I might write for the blog today, when it occurred to me that I have a true horror story to share with you for once, and it happened today IRL.

My mom and I went out to eat at a local burger joint today after we finished our errands. We ate in the car, because we both like to feed the birds as we sit in the shade and munch.

I took the burgers and fries out of the plastic bag and casually tossed it into the backseat. 30 minutes later, we were rolling down the highway with all four windows open and I noticed there is a police car behind me; (but I'm actually going the speed limit, so I'm not too worried). Two seconds later, the plastic bag comes crawling upside my face, and wiggles its way out the window heading straight for the cop car behind me😱. 

At this point I'm thinking, "F#$%. I'm for sure gonna get pulled over for littering and reckless driving".

But luckily for me, nothing happened. The officer simply swerved and merged into to the other lane when our bag came flying at him. 

I'm so grateful that Houston PD did not pull me over. Because I did not want to pay a fine for accidentally littering. Nor did I want to be asked to trapse my not-so-happy-ass halfway down the highway (in this heat) and pick up my fast food bag.

Needless to say, when we pulled up at the house, I was sooooo happy to be home and off the road. 

Moral of the story: don't wait until your starving to eat, because then you'll be in too much of a hurry to secure your bag safely underneath something before you pull off on your way to go haunt somewhere else.

Lesson learned.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 15

I'm not really a fan of poetry, per se.
But I found one I'll share with you today.
It's about Christmas and Krampus, I'm sure
Listen to Sapphire, she'll ruffle your fur.
It's got all the good stuff a story should have,
Iambically delicious, satisfying, you might even laugh.
So sit down and listen, I've queued up YouTube
Just watch the damn video and don't catch a 'tude.

Now that you've suffered through my horrible poem, here's a badass one:

"Twas the Night Before Krampus " - by Scott A. Johnson
Performed by Sapphire♡ 

Monday, July 16, 2018

Everyday For A Month: Day 14


I know this witch lady that makes these cookies that give you superpowers for 24 hours.

I never believed anything like that could exist, but I went to her shop and I'd tried her regular cookies before. They were good. Excellent even. The rumors all said to stay away from her "Roulette Menu". Roulette, hence, when you bought one of these cookies, you couldn't be sure what you might be getting.

I ate a roulette cookie this morning. I'm still not sure what it does, but I feel like I've been hearing other people's thoughts all day.

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Writer. Author. Blogger. Procrastinator... My novel, Trigram, is in the works, but in the meantime, I'll probably be working on short stories such as the ones on Wicked Shorts. (Wink)

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